Episode 6.0 - Trust
Episode Credits:
Amanda Hufford as Hannah
Abigail Turner as Cali
Jordan Rudolph as Mel
Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo
Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard
TRANSCRIPT
FADE IN
[Sound of a campfire, crickets chirping and other night sounds fade in and hang for a bit]
HANNAH
“The worst thing about being a zombie is that you can’t tell someone that you’re sorry for trying to eat them.
Now I know what you’re thinking, Listener. Or at least I’m going to take a general stab-a-dee-do at it. Yikes. Pardon my inner Ned Flanders, there. Anyway, magic eight ball tells me you’re thinking ‘Hannah, last time I saw you… well, things didn’t look all that encouraging. You were trying to eat that girl you saved and now here you are sitting all awko-taco across a campfire from them.’ To that I might reply that it’s… well, a little complicated. Okay, maybe it’s lots complicated. Fortunately for both of us we get to skip my rambling account and roll one of those handy flashback sequences, right? I’m going to go ahead and warn you though, I don’t think either of us were our most graceful selves today.
[switch to a ‘replay’ of the off camera scuffle from last episode - gunshots and scuffling as Cali fights Hannah off, starting with the pistol shot before moving to the scenes natural continuation]
CALI
[Struggling as she tries to kick Hannah off of her]
“Hey! Get off of me… stupid… zombie! I’m not your… I’m not your hamburger or… your burrito [kicks zombie Hannah again].”
[More struggling - continues for a bit in the background]
HANNAH
“It was right about there. I think. When we both somehow knew that my heart just wasn’t into eating her. Even after she shot me. It’s a pretty strange thing for a zombie to say because, and let’s be honest, we haven’t ever really turned down a meal opportunity in this everlasting unlife yet. But here we were and… look at that. Right there! Look at how WEAK that swipe was. And that claw? Yeah, come on!? That’s not the same Hannah that ate three bikers and a guy in a clown mask at a trailer park in Ohio before getting ready for an encore… which is actually a pretty great story but NOT the one we’re telling here so shhh Hannah… because…
…yeah, you’re seeing it for yourself. We just… stop. She thinks she pushed me off but she didn’t. [hesitantly hopeful and relieved] We stopped…”
[Hannah breathing heavy as Cali tries to figure out what she’s witnessing]
CALI
[Disoriented and confused]
“Okay, I’m… so confused right now. [pauses to catch her breath] Are we not doing this anymore? Not that I’m exactly arguing to be eaten but… this is weird.”
HANNAH
“That was an understatement. Weird and like really awkward? Don’t you think? It’s not like I can tell her “Hey, look it’s not you, it’s me. I’m sure you’re really tasty but I just don’t like you as a sandwich.” Nope. Instead we’re just standing there, glaring the nastiest glare that zombie-me had ever glared? Like probably even nastier than the look she’s always giving the crows?
As an important aside, I feel the need to call attention to the fact that we never properly celebrated the recent demise of our hated rivals. Press F for the crows. [makes awkward noise at the reference] umm sorry… niche pre-apocalypse nerd humor from back when we were able to have nice things. Like video games and subsequently watching people on the internet play them as if we had all the time in the world ahead of us.”
CALI
“Well. Okay then. This has been… a thing. A real fucking thing. Catch you on the flip side, zombie girl.”
[sound of Cali walking away before her footsteps are joined by Hannah. Cali stops and Hannah mimics]
“... Aaaand you’re following me. This isn’t happening.”
HANNAH
“Oh my gosh, we are! We’re following her! Best day ever!?”
CALI
“I don’t know if you’re like… still contemplating a round two but I’m going to warn you right now: you don’t even know who you’re messing with. Next shot… coming out of this gun right here… goes in-between your eyes. I fucking mean it. Mostly. Truth is I’ve never been the best shot under pressure but you should know that I will SO make the most valiant attempt possible before no doubt letting rip with the most pathetic, baby bitch scream imaginable as you eat me. So stop following me. Seriously.”
HANNAH
“She’s adorable! And funny too? Like where WERE you a hundred years ago? If I had a checklist, and I’m not saying that I ever did… tucked in the back of my sketchbook with stupid little hearts and doodles all over it… well SO many boxes would be filled right now. Ohhhh, listener, do you think she likes Italian?
Okay, Hannah, wait. Hold up. Imagine what Mel would have said. Or let’s be honest, she would have probably just rolled her eyes and asked me when ‘the new one’ was moving in. She’d tell me to pump the brakes and let’s face it, she’d be right this time. Zombie/Human relations are at an all time low and relationships? Well they’re right out of the question. Not even feasible, actually. So yeah; glare, zombie-me. Glare for all your resentful did-she-actually-just-shoot-me-after-I-saved-her’ might because if we get happy, we’re going to get bitey. Real bitey.”
CALI
[interrupting Hannah’s narrative]
“Oooookay. So you’re still following me. [sighs with exhaustion] What the fuck is this? I mean this is SO backwards. Of all the reports from all of the scouts that ever passed through Golden Gate I’ve… I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a ‘good’ zombie. Or even a passive one. Which means I’m ‘technically’ obligated to see how this plays out, right? I mean that’s my job as a scout. To find irregularities and developments out here in the wasteland and report them back to command? To even try and retrieve them when possible? Does a whole assed actual zombie count?
Note: This talking to myself situation is getting exponentially worse. Totally out of hand. I mean I’m not even recording a log yet. On the positive side, there’s pretty much a zero chance you understand what I’m saying or what a spaz I am so I guess that’s a plus. So I suppose it’s time to just… I don’t know; keep up, zombie girl? Or don’t, which would also be great and put an end to the very real possibility that this experiment… whatever the hell it is, is just a passing truce and that you’re actually plotting to eat me right now like a regular zombie would be.
[sounds of the campfire and night sounds return]
HANNAH
“And that’s how we ended up here. I’m not altogether sure that she doesn’t still think that I’m going to try and eat her. Which I’m not. Or at least we ought to really consider the very real possibility that zombie-me and I have finally actually agreed on a thing. That thing being that this lady is just way too precious to eat and that we absolutely don’t want to go back to being alone again. That said, don’t think we missed you put your stupid, woefully ineffective pistol behind the firewood while saying that it’s you’re ‘Zombie-Off’. If only there was zombie repellent, right? A polite but firm wall of bad smell would have been a VASTLY better solution then killer robots. Also, how is it that even a hundred years after the fall of man people STILL use pre-apocalypse brand names in a way that is synonymous with all versions of the product they represented? Like have you ever asked for a kleenex, Listener? Or taken a polaroid picture? Gah. It’s the actual worst.
I’ve got to admit, Pet peeves aside; that this is… nice… So nice that I can’t help but think it might end at any minute. That we could be a split second from baser zombie instincts taking control and making me hope that her ‘Zombie-Off’ is more effective than the Deep Woods variety… Because no matter how much the Mel in the back of my head is telling me not to get invested in this… I think that I’d rather have stayed on the ground and let the trees grow through me then to get this opportunity… just to screw it up. That tonight, by this strangely comforting campfire… Well maybe this is our chance to not be a monster. For once.”
CALI
[after a recorder click, she starts quietly, obviously unaware that she’s interrupting Hannah’s internal monologue.]
“Scout Entry 7/9/2182 - Cali checking in. Against all odds both probable and far fetched… I guess I can at least for the time being report that I’m still alive. We’re currently camped somewhere inside of the old Kalamazoo ruins, as far away from my crashed spinner as I could get before collapsing. Things got really gnarly back there and I’m not exactly sure when or how I’m going to process all the new weirdness that has befallen my life but let’s just go ahead and give it a try? Unpacking: now.
I said ‘We’ there, didn’t I? [sighs] Okay, just give me a second to get to that. How do you go from YEARS of the most fruitless and all around underwhelming scouting mission in the history of the settlement; only to have THIS happen… the weirdest god-damned situation of my entire life just comes a knockin’ at my proverbial door?
So quick recap for those not paying attention: Spinner crashed, ankle sprained, robot in hot pursuit gunning for my ass before unlikely rescue by a shockingly heroic zombie. All of that isn’t even the weirdest part of my day as - get this… I think I have a pet zombie.
I walked MILES on a bum ankle today and this thing just followed behind me all the way. For a while I was wondering if she was tailing me in the way that a predator kind of stalks and follows its prey until said prey is tired and the kill is guaranteed but no… that time came and went. Multiple times. I literally got so frustrated that I fell down on a rock and surrendered. Even called out perhaps a little too dramatically for her to go ahead and ‘take me now’ and she just stood there. Waiting for me to get up and get my shit together. Fucking embarassing being called out by a zombie, honestly. Fast forward to now and she’s just… sitting across from me in front of the fire… staring off into the night in unblinking silence.
This isn’t normal, right? Just checking because it seems like I’ve entered a parallel universe where I’M the backwards one, like those Twilight Zone discs back home. [recalls the twilight zone opening credits] “You unlock this door with a key of imagination: Beyond it is another dimension… a dimension of sound, of sight…”. Maybe I was the zombie all along!
Sorry, had to. Anyway, what I mean is that we’ve tried to catch these things before, extend an olive branch or whatever. Make friends. It never worked out. There have been stories of big hearts out there who try and domesticate zombies, put them to some purpose and it always ends up the same way… which is to say that it doesn’t end up like this.
Who's to say this doesn’t actually end up any different then all those stories did? Tonight I might finally get some shut-eye only to wake up with teeth buried into my jugular and just thinking ‘I told ya so, Cali’. What choice do I really have though? After seeing what she did to that robot back there it’s not like I can overpower her… and if I just pop her with my pistol then… Well what if this one IS different? What if this is my chance to come back home with something. To change things going forward? Imagine if this weird little zombie-girl is one of a kind? What sort of things could the big brains learn from her? I can’t just let that slip away so I’ve set up some precautions. Primarily, I’ve surrounded my sleeping area with twigs and other stuff that will make noise when it’s stepped on and I’m hoping that I sleep as light as I always do. One eye open and all of that. I guess we’ll see.”
[starts to settle down to sleep before calling over to Hannah]
“‘night, Zombie-Girl. Don’t ahhh, I guess don’t kill me?”
“Well, there it is. Wish me luck. Cali, signing off.”
[sounds of the night and silence a moment]
HANNAH
[sounding a little melancholy after listening to the report]
“Goodnight… Cali. I’ll… I’ll try.”
[FADE OUT]