Episode 11.0 - The good, the bad and the zombie
Episode Credits:
Amanda Hufford as Hannah
Abigail Turner as Cali
Jordan Rudolph as Mel
Tom Schalk as Rictor
Will Handford as Jameson
Ryan Hoyle as Reggie
Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo
Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard
TRANSCRIPT
[FADE IN]
[Hannah is currently ‘talking’ from the trunk of the Jetta again, the car is currently stopped]
HANNAH
“Well, Listener, here we are again. I wish I could say that ‘here’ was somewhere far, far away. Where problems don’t exist. Possibly in a land where humans and zombies get to live freely! Learning cool things about each other and definitely not falling asleep during the opening monologue of a good story. I mean seriously! I’m still not over it, okay?
Instead, we’re actually in the trunk again and getting ripped off for storytime is probably the least important worry on a quickly growing list. No, growing is the wrong word. Escalating! This situation is escalating. Exhibit One: Our escape from Rictor wasn’t all that great… but I mean maybe an A for effort? Or probably more like a B-? In the wild world of wasteland chases it was, well… kind of mediocre at best? Not Mad Max worthy, that’s for sure. Less Fury Road and way more like ‘Frustrated Road’ or ‘Road Blocked… Road’. Cali-swearing-too-much-about-her-rotten-luck Road? Oh, honestly Hannah, can you even manage to say ‘road’ anymore during this monologue? This really isn’t the best way to open and there isn’t a quota and… okay I’m just stalling now. Which is easier than dealing with what’s going on outside this awful trunk. Avoidance has kind of always been a problem for me. Goodness knows I’ve got my share of issues which we could also say is escalating.
In case you might be thinking that being dead solves… well basically any problem at all in the mentals department, boy do I have some news for you! Let’s say hello to our old friend: Anxiety! We still hang out all the time! You know, sometimes I really miss a good ol’ therapy session. A hundred and fifty years is a long time to go in between visits and I feel we have just a little bit of trauma to unpack… and we’re not out of the woods yet, either! If this little ‘situation’ with Rictor and his goons goes the way I think it’s going to go; well, it’ll be years until I get over this! That’s actually kind of a best case scenario, isn’t it? We’re clearly living in some shade of the darkest timeline.
Alright! Snap back to reality! It's focus time. What I meant to say before I distracted myself is that this obviously isn’t the first time Rictor’s chased down a runaway, and try as Cali might, every time she veered off course to get away, well one of his stupid… stupid losers was there! Blocking the road and even giving chase! It’s not as if you can take all that many risks in a car that is one bad bump from falling apart. A stunt car the Jetta is not. At all. In retrospect it was actually pretty obvious that we were being herded… ‘Cause before we knew it we had run over some kind of trap and poof! Our driveshaft was torn out on the road ten feet back from where we were grinding to a rough and sudden stop courtesy of a pretty inconveniently placed tree.
So after gathering around for a big annoying laugh amongst themselves while Cali hurled some colorful and honestly pretty creative insults back their way… well that kind of brings us up to date on what you missed while you were gone. How this is going to go is anyone's guess, Listener.
RICTOR
“Why don’t you go ahead and take a walk. All of you.”
RAIDER
“You sure, boss?”
RICTOR
“Never been so sure of anything in my life. Go on, now. I’ve got some personal business to go over with this little rabbit here. Pay no mind to the screaming.”
JAMESON
“I’ll ummm… I’ll go with ‘em too if that’s alright, Mr. Rictor?”
RICTOR
“No, no. Not you, Jameson. I want you to stay right where you are. You’re a part of this! I mean, if you look at it in a roundabout kind of way. If it wasn’t for that awful little stunt she pulled on us… well, you wouldn’t be wearing that bandage on your face. I wouldn’t have had to go and teach you that lesson with the coals. Surely you want some justice out of this as much as I do?”
CALI
“Do not even tell me I’m seriously over here listening to you gaslight that guy. Into blaming whatever fucked up thing you did to him on me.”
RICTOR
“Gaslighting? That one of them big-brained Golden Gate terms? Figures. You know, I hear they never really liked California none. Even so far back as the old world. Not all that hard to understand why. You’ve been a right pain in my ass. One that only gets worse the longer you ignore it.”
CALI
“Yeah? Well we could always just agree to get out of each other's way then, right?”
RICTOR
“I’m afraid it’s far too late for that, now.”
CALI
“Yeah? Why’d you send your men away, Rictor? Scared to let them watch me kick your ass a second time or… or is it that maybe you don’t want them to see what’s in that trunk just yet? Still figuring out how you want to sell this one to them?”
RICTOR
“Ha! Clever girl. Smart as a whip, ain’t she, Jameson.”
JAMESON
“What…? What’s so smart about a whip, Mr. Rictor?”
RICTOR
“Christ sake, Jameson. A whip ‘smarts’. When it hits you. Why do I have to spell every goddamned thing out for you, boy.”
CALI
“Hey, Jameson! You know you don’t have to put up with this guy’s shit, right?”
RICTOR
“Of course he does. I’m the boss. Besides, the boy’s been like a son to me ever since his ol’ man died. I took him in. Gave him a place in the world. He wouldn’t know what to do without me tellin’ him how to do it. One day, God willing, I’ll beat enough sense into him that he hardens up some. Enough to take my place.”
CALI
“Anything stopping that day from being today, because that’d be really great.”
RICTOR
“Wouldn’t say that’s likely to happen. I mean, go on and look at him. Boy’s soft. He’s more afraid of what’s about to happen than either you or me. Now, let’s go ahead and stop beating ‘round the bush. I’m gonna make you a very limited time offer. Let’s say you surrender that car, and everything it contains without a fuss, and in return I’ll make sure things are quick for you. Painless. Elsewise? We do things the other way. The hard way.”
CALI
[pulls out her pistol and levels it at Rictor, though she’s not all that confident sounding]
“Oh yeah? Well, have I introduced you to my ‘Deep Woods Off’, yet? It’s um… zombie repellent but I’m betting it works just fine on assholes, too.”
RICTOR
“Is that so? And you reckon that you’ll get a killing shot on me with that little pistol before I charge on through and bash your fucking head in on the hood of that car of yours?
[laughing, very amused with himself]
And here I thought I was funny! You’re a goddamned comedian, girl!”
CALI
“Yeah? Well… well you just fucking try it and we’ll see how funny getting shot is…”
RICTOR
[laughing again, or really still laughing]
“Ain’t that just the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen, Jameson? Look how she’s holding that gun. Ever see someone shake so much? Where’s that feisty little bitch who had the balls to kick me in the face when I was down on the ground? Who was talking all manner of shit to me? Where’s she now!?”
CALI
“I don’t get it! What do you want with me!? Why… why are you dragging this out?”
RICTOR
“I mean isn’t it obvious? I’m having a blast here! This is the most fun I’ve had in years so excuse me while I take some time to savor this precious fucking moment! Hell, if we’re being honest, I respect the fuck out of you! You gave me a hell of a lil’ chase back there. Had plenty of time to think about it, too, over these last few days. About how I’m going to enjoy this… very, very much. I’ve got big plans for your little zombie friend, too! You see, I’m gonna cut off her arms and legs. Then we’re taking her out on a tour of this great Nation of ours! We’re gonna hop from county to county, creating little zombie problems me and my boys can clean up - for the right price, of course. Our little money making torso with teeth! That’s the kind of fun that ain’t EVER gonna stop! Do you hear me!? I ain’t ever gonna stop!”
CALI
[now determined to put Rictor down despite her fear]
“You’re a monster. A real fucking monster.”
RICTOR
“Yeah, well. It’s a monstrous world, ain’t it? [sighs dramatically] I suppose it’s time to get to work, then.”
[pause for a moment before Rictor runs at Cali, roaring as he goes. A pistol shot sounds off before sounds of a scuffle commence, effort noises as Rictor overpowers Cali, slamming her against the Jetta. He slaps her and her keys go flying into the dirt in front of Jameson. Jameson picks up the keys]
RICTOR
[out of breath, Cali can be heard moaning in pain]
“Well, that sure was a lot of fun. Jameson! Here, boy! Throw me those keys you’ve got there, would you?
[Now talking to himself]
Think we’ll leave the Z in the trunk for the time being. Hook this shit-wagon up for a tow…”
JAMESON
[interrupting Rictor nervously]
“I… I don’t know, Mr. Rictor. Can’t we just… I mean making more zombies? I don’t see how that’s a great idea. What if things get out of control, you know?”
RICTOR
“That’s what we’re for. Didn’t you listen to a damn thing I just said? We’ll be there to put them down and collect on the problem.”
JAMESON
“I did… I mean I heard. I just… I’m not…”
[gathers his confidence]
“I’m not giving you these keys, Rictor.”
RICTOR
“You stupid little shit. Give. Me. The goddamned keys or I’ll beat them out of yo-”
[Jameson pops the trunk, maybe on purpose… maybe by accident]
“Oh, shit.”
HANNAH
“Oh, shit is right.”
[sounds of fighting as Hannah tears into Rictor as the man screams and is silenced before Hannah starts her meal]
“You know, this is probably the first time Zombie-Me and I have ever agreed on a meal together. Or at least on a meal plan. It’s always me wanting a spring roll and her wanting a whole human being. Admittedly, it’s all around pretty gross and thankfully we don’t exactly share taste buds but if I had to guess… well this particular meal probably tasted like JUSTICE. I mean you heard him right? He was going to cut off our arms and legs and make us… make new zombies!? Not a fan of that one. At all. Oh, and go Jameson, right!? Standing up against his abuser to save the day? I mean what’s not to love about how this turned out? For what it’s worth, I’m big proud of you and despite what this human hamburger told you, I think you’re going to do fine out there.”
JAMESON
“We’ve… we have to get out of here, lady. The others… well they can’t track worth a damn so if we get a head start… I mean if you’re willing to give me a lift to the next settlement that is… well I can get by from there.”
CALI
[distracted by Hannah]
“She’s just… really going for it, isn’t she? Just… digging in there.”
JAMESON
“Yeah… do you think we should do something? Like try to stop her or…”
CALI
“I think we might just want to let her… and I can’t believe I’m about to say this but here it is: Let’s just let her enjoy herself for a minute. Unless you want to be the one who pulls her off him and then I mean, be my guest.”
JAMESON
“No, no. I’m good. I… take it you’re planning on doing some upgrading?”
CALI
“Huh? What do you mean?
JAMESON
“What I’m sayin’ is… well that car wasn’t ever going to get you where you needed to go. It was part of his scam, you weren’t ever going to get away. Not really.”
CALI
“I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down. I mean there’s a perfectly good truck right there, right?”
JAMESON
“Gots a fuel drum in the back too. Reckon that’d get you to the West Coast, even. As long as you tie that zombie up cause the bed’s open air.”
CALI
“I think… I think we’ll risk it? Call me crazy but I don’t think she’s going to try and get away now. We’re kind of in this together.”
JAMESON
“You’re right, that does sound crazy, ma’am. Just as long as she doesn’t go biting me I suppose I don’t have much of a say. So how's about it? You take me on as far as the next settlement and I can show you the trick to getting Rictors truck started without gettin’ yourself dead?”
CALI
“You’ve got yourself a deal, little man. Shake on it?”
JAMESON
[spits in his hand before shaking]
“Alright! Put ‘er here.”
CALI
“Gross, but okay.”
* * * *
CALI (LOG)
[This entry should have some relief and a sense of hope to it]
“Scouting Log 16/7/2182. It’s funny how things work out sometimes, you know? It’s a beautiful day to be on the road. Interstate 80 is, with the exception of a detour here and there… pretty much a straight shot home. The sun is shining, the windows are rolled down and the shit that happened back there with Rictor… well it feels like waking up after a nightmare. Realizing it can’t hurt you anymore. His ex-stooge, Jameson, is sleeping in the front seat and I don’t know, it looks like it’s the first time he’s actually rested in his whole life. All the worry lines in his face are gone and he’s… just a kid, you know? It’s not like I’m old enough to be calling anyone ‘kid’ or anything but he can’t be anymore than eighteen or so. We’ll be letting him out at the Des Moines Reclamation Site. I think the DMRS will suit him. Lots of work to go around for someone who isn’t too headstrong. Not my favorite place but different strokes, right?
Fuuuuck. Whatever! It feels so, so good to be back on the road and well, I think Zombie Girl agrees. Hunch was right about not needing to lock her up, too. Do you think she feels this too? The sense of freedom or maybe just the tension finally being gone? You tell me. Right now she’s just sitting up on her knees, hands gripped to the lip of the truck bed; like a dog or something, enjoying the simple feeling of the wind in her hair as the world slides by. I mean the dried blood she’s covered in is more than a little disconcerting, but let’s be real for a minute. If it wasn’t for her… this zombie… then we’d all be dead.
I can’t shake it. This feeling that if I could proverbially pry open her head and flip her upside down… more would spill out of there then maybe we’d expect or even bargain for. Her reaction to the comic was one thing, right? Could have been reflexive or something. But she went right for the threat when that trunk popped. Like she fucking hated that guy as much as the rest of us and had just been waiting. She straight out saved us and I don’t think that was an accident. Which also probably means that her killing that robot when we first met wasn’t an accident, either. Is this how the strain evolves? Do we get to come full circle? Was the zombie plague just a reset button for all the civilized bravado and just… bullshit. Our collective bullshit.
[sighs a bit] What a long, strange ride we’re on. A girl and her zombie. Which, actually, I’m becoming a little less comfortable with. I keep comparing her to a dog or like a pet or something and that’s just not it, is it? I guess… and I think there is absolutely no coming back from this kind of acknowledgement but… here we go… I think this zombie is my friend. So whoever you were and more importantly whoever you are now… thanks, friend.”
[FADE OUT]