Episode 10.0 - Happy Un-birthday

Episode Credits:

Amanda Hufford as Hannah

Abigail Turner as Cali

Jordan Rudolph as Mel

Tom Schalk as Rictor

Will Handford as Jameson

Ryan Hoyle as Reggie

Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo

Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard

TRANSCRIPT

[FADE IN]

 [Hannah is ‘dreaming’ as the chaos of a zombie attack goes on behind her.]

HANNAH

 Oh, this is just great! What a fantastic time to be dreaming again! Right in the middle of Cali’s story, too! All of that sneaking around and… for what, exactly!? [frustrated tantrum] This is the worst! And only to re-live Death Day again? Like I haven’t done this hundreds of times. What a thrill it is to be me!

Well, I guess we best… go ahead and lean into this. I’m going to be honest; I’m not used to having people here with me for this one so let’s hope this thing doesn’t head straight on over to Awkwardsville, USA. 

Okay, so this is the moment where the ‘magic’ happens. I should probably be doing that narrator… voice-over flashback thing and be all ‘This is me. You might be asking how I got here; Laying on the ugly carpet of the Columbus Convention Center, assorted dice scattered everywhere as a couple zombies just… chow down.’ But let’s be honest, you already know how I got here and even though this is technically the beginning of my story - my ‘un-birthday’ as I call it - that day actually wasn’t about me at all. It was about ‘the event’ and how everything ended up afterwards. I always wondered how it snuck up on us. How the government did such a good job of covering up the rapid spread of the zombie thing without any of us knowing that it was right there; knocking on our door. I guess we’ll never know. Because this is where things get wild for us, Listener.

If I think back, I remember all of this like it was in slow motion and even though it’s like… really weird to be floating above it right now with you, Listener… I assure you that those wide eyes of mine weren’t really thinking about anything, for better or worse. You always hear stories about your life flashing before your eyes but all I can really remember is this sense of resignation. Like when you’re a kid and you’re playing tag and you just acknowledge that you were caught because that’s how the rules go. Death, or maybe life… had finally caught up with me. Tag…I’m it.

Not Mel though. Juuuust wait for it. If I remember right we’re only seconds away from her Doc Martin’s plowing some zombie face in three, two… [kick] There we go, right on time. You GET it, girl.”

MEL

 “Hey! Get the fuck off her! [winds up for another kick] RIGHT… NOW!

[kick to zombie]

Reggie!? Reggie, get over here!”

REGGIE

 “I… I’ve got the other one! [Struggling] Holy shit, these guys are… strong. Is this really happening?”

MEL

 [ignoring Reggie]

 “Hannah. Come on, baby. You’re going to be alright, you hear me? Hannah! Eyes on me, hun. We’re going to get you some help, okay?”

REGGIE

“Oh shit! Shit. He’s… get him off of me, Mel!”

[Reggie screams out]

MEL

“Reggie! Hey! Get off him! Get… off…”

[NOTE: struggle/exertion efforts needed throughout this scene for Reggie and Mel]

REGGIE

“Thanks… he… that guy almost bit me. It’s… holy shit, Mel. It’s fucking zombies.”

MEL

“Now is not the time for bullshit, Reg. There’s no such thing as… 

[zombie groans, Mel stomps down on it before turning back to Reggie, resignation in her voice] 

…zombies. Or at least there wasn’t such a thing as zombies.

Okay. We’ve had years of bad movies and what if scenarios to be prepared for this, right? We need to pull it together. Come on, we gotta pick Hannah up and get her to a hosp…”

REGGIE

“Mel… I think she’s… I think she’s dead.”

MEL

“Don’t say that shit.”

REGGIE

“I…”

[speechless at the death of a friend] 

[quick transition/fade]

HANNAH

“He was right, of course. I was pretty dead… or at least kind of. Technically I was in that floaty space between dead and undead. If it wasn’t for a horde of zombies that would soon be rushing the hall, my friends may have even seen me stand up! Which would have probably been all kinds of traumatizing but thankfully the threat of bodily dismemberment was a pretty good motivator to scram and…well….

To… to leave me behind. 

I spent a lot of time in my head after that at first… thinking about it while my body ran around with the horde. Part of me was pretty angry, at everything. I obviously didn’t feel great about… you know, still being up here… being ‘me’. Back-seat and powerless to do anything except dwell on literally everything while my body ran around committing acts of extreme zombie-ism. I mostly just hoped something would… happen to me. Especially in those early days. Like maybe a zombie hunter might run over me with his truck or some survivor would get lucky and just… ‘pow’… But I think it was for the best, in the end. I mean… maybe it was all for a reason? If I hadn’t made it this far… well, we wouldn’t have a story to tell… and I wouldn’t have been there to save Cali from that robot attack, either.

[stops a moment to process bittersweet emotions]

So… yeah… as personally ‘inconvenient’ as this zombie thing has been for yours truly, I think the future is overall way less sucky with me in it; at least for ‘most’ of the people involved in this story. 

You can… let me have that, right, Listener? I mean there’s gotta be a reason you’re sticking around that’s hopefully not ‘one day that darned zombie’s gonna get her comeuppance’? Maybe we’re even friends? It’s honestly hard to tell with you.

But hey… as long as we’re here, breaking the fourth wall together and all, I have a bit of a favor to ask. Do you mind if we maybe stick along with Mel a little longer? I obviously never got to know what became of her and Reggie and I mean… I’m sure it didn’t end great but… I really do miss my friends! When I’m on my own, dreaming of ‘Death Day’ I kinda get stuck at this part. But you… You’ve got the power of Grayskull right? You just flick around that dial of yours and ‘poof!’ we go for an all expenses paid ride through time and space?

[radio dial transition]

[Scene opens to mutant Mel dragging an old and at the end of his line Reggie to a promised settlement after their vehicle died]

HANNAH

“Well, Alright! Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! But… wait… 

Oh, my. I think we went a ‘bit’ too far, Listener.”

MEL

[encouraging]

“Come on, Reg. Just a bit farther, old man. Hold on to me, let me be your legs, okay? Damn piece of junk couldn’t have held together for a little longer?!”

REGGIE

[old and exerted to his limit]

“These legs just ain’t what they used to be, Mel.”

MEL

[a little sad at her friend being old while she stayed the same]

“I know, I know, hun. The settlement should be coming up. Then it’s all strippers and whiskey for ya until you roll into your grave, okay? I promise.”

REGGIE

“I don’t know, Mel. Never much felt comfortable with goin’ to those places even when they were… well, real. People don’t build strip clubs anymore.”

MEL

“Ever told you that you’re a real buzzkill, Reg? You can’t tell me that there ain’t some enterprising settlement out there full of take charge ladies, strippin’ and ruling their little cut of the American dream THEIR way. Like the old timey saloons back in the Gold Rush days? Those women used to RUN shit.”

HANNAH

 “I’m so confused! But it’s not all bad, right? I mean look at Reggie, he’s an old man… and Mel is… the same. I’m sure there’s a story behind how that’s even possible but who am I to like… cast stones as a century-and-a-half old zombie? If anyone was going to break reality and just quit the aging thing altogether it would obviously be her. Anyway, who cares! Cause the big takeaway is that if Reggie is all old and stuff then they MADE it! They made it out of Ohio and got really far away? To the desert or something? Did I mention that I’m really confused right now?

REGGIE

 “That… what you’re goin’ to do with your share of the haul, Mel?”

HANNAH

 “Ohhh, a haul. That’s exciting! [whisper] Oh… sorry, I’ll zip it! Promise!

MEL

 “What? Strip? With this old body? [chuckles] Think I still got it, Reg?”

REGGIE

 “No, no. Not the stripping. I mean open up a place for people, a bar or something. Like the one you had in the old world. Get back to livin’ life?”

MEL

 “You know… that ain’t a bad idea… I honestly hadn’t thought ahead like that. Thought you and I promised not to look for tomorrows.”

REGGIE

 “Hell with it. I’m too old to keep my promises. Think about it. I mean, you could do it, now, right? If this place is like they say? You know… if they treat ‘others’ just the same as normal folk?”

MEL

 “You can say Mutant, Reg. This ‘others’ thing makes me feel like I’m a fucking Chupacabra or something. Besides, all this hinges on if we can get back to where that piece of shit car broke down before someone finds where we buried the goods.”

REGGIE

 “Hope this place isn’t too much farther. Usually don’t envy that bite you got yourself, Mel. But right now… old and shriveled with knees all seized up? Thinking you got the better deal.”

MEL

 “Ain’t going to argue that with you right now, ol’ buddy. Breaks my heart seeing you all used up, so fucking stop it, alright?. Remember when you used to wear those ears? Pretend that you were an elf?”

REGGIE

 “Elves aren’t supposed to grow old like this. They get on their gray ships. Sail away to somewhere better.”

MEL

“You’re such a fucking nerd, old man.”

REGGIE

 “Yeah. Never forget being a nerd’s what got us into this whole mess. I wonder what it would have been like, if Hannah would have made it?”

MEL

“Pretty glad she didn’t have to see the world turn into this, if we’re being honest. I do miss her though.”

REGGIE

“Me too. 

Hey… is that. I think that’s the settlement! Over there!”

MEL

“Fucking right it is! Get ready, Junktown… we’re about to be in you.”

MEL 

[Turning to Hannah directly]

“Hannah. You need to wake up now.”

HANNAH

“Mel? You can… how is this happening?”

MEL

“It isn’t. This is your subconscious speaking. I’m just wearing the face of the only person you’ve ever listened to. Shit’s hitting the fan up top in the real world and girl, you’re literally dead weight right now. Wake up.”

[slow transition back to the real world]

[scene is Cali dragging Hannah to the car as trucks approach in the distance].

HANNAH 

“Oh… oh, wow. You weren’t kidding. Okay. Waking up, Mel. Got this.”

CALI

[heavily exerted as she drags Hannah and her duffle to the Jetta]

“Come… on, Zombie-Girl. Or not. Let’s be honest here, it’s pretty hard to tell if it’s easier to drag you like this or play at being a ‘zombie herder’...

[Hannah wakes up]

Shit. Be careful what you ask for, I guess? My entire life is basically the punchline to every bad Murphy's Law gag. I get it. Alright, please, PLEASE don’t give me any shit about putting you in the trunk today, okay? Because we just don’t have the time. There’s smoke on the horizon, or more accurately, the sound of ugly, raider trucks and the scumbags that drive them. I can’t believe they found us. I was so, so careful. Followed the Handbook and everything.

Okay! Innnn you go! 

[pushes a protesting Hannah into the trunk before slamming it shut]

Alright! That could have been so, so much worse. Not to say that it isn’t going to be… you know, worse. Really soon… but we aren’t going down without a fight.

[FADE OUT]